blog.Jelmer Oosthoek.nl

Have you ever watched a cloud? What did you see? Did you perhaps see a submarine or a rabbit with its pointy ears, or perhaps an elephant? I know you have and so have I. But have you ever noticed a cloud forming a face and started talking to you? Well I have, but you, I’m not sure.
You know, I see things in clouds. Clouds sometimes talk to me. They give me directions, they define choices, warn me. I should be very thankful for their presence. Thus, I am most likely not like you, I know you don’t believe clouds are alive. Well I do, and I don’t care what you think. But don’t you knock on my door when something bad happens because you didn’t listen to what the clouds had to say. They are there to help you, to help me, to help us, in our life struggle.
I first noticed cloud awareness when I was nine years old. I was visiting my uncle in Arizona. You know, I’m from Boston, my parents left Arizona when I was three. Dad accepted the job of senior financial manager at the Boston main office of the firm he worked for in Arizona.
I spent my summer holiday with my uncle George. He had a big farm and I was playing alone in the barn one day when I heard a strange noise. It faintly resembled a voice and came from outside the barn. I thought perhaps aunt Rosie was calling me from the kitchen so I yelled back that I was coming. When I left the barn I didn’t see Rosie, which was strange. Suddenly my eyes caught sight of something near the horizon. It was what looked like a thunder cloud with a strange looking hose underneath. The hose grew bigger until it reached the ground. I didn’t know what a tornado was at the time and coming from a city I didn’t know anything about the danger I was in and the destruction the tornado could cause. It sure did look strange but it was still far away and I somehow didn’t find it dangerous.
I was about to go back to the barn when something strange happened which scared the hell out of me. The thundercloud changed shape, it became a face which looked me right into the eyes. It started to talk and said “go away as fast as you can, hurry!” I ran inside the house, completely shaken by what I had just seen. Uncle George was inside reading a newspaper. Had he listened to the radio he might have been warned already. I was breathing uncontrollably and my heart rate was staggering. When uncle George saw me storming into the house I couldn’t do anything but point in the direction of the cloud. “Are you okay, boy?” he asked as he put away the newspaper and ran in my direction, “what is going on?”. As he put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down he turned his head and looked outside through the window into the direction my finger was pointing. Suddenly he froze and his face turned white as he saw the approaching twister.
He acted swiftly and got me, his two sons and aunt Rosie in his truck. He drove away from the twister as fast as he could. I looked through the rear window but couldn’t see anything because of the dust being swiped in the air behind the truck. We made it to safely although it was a close call. Uncle George’s farm however was taken in its entirety by the tornado like a piece a grass. It was found two kilometers from its previous location, completely torn apart by the impact. All the cows, horses and other animals were dead.
Other farms were hit too and five people died. This event shocked me and for some reason I completely forgot about the cloud who warned me. In the meantime my uncle, my aunt and their two sons regarded me as a savior. Being very religious George thought I was a guardian angel. I didn’t tell anyone about my experience with the cloud. They had to start over of course which they did after some financial help from my dad.
Back in Boston I got used to normal city life again and didn’t pay much attention to the clouds in the sky. This would change however one day, I had just turned 18. It was a day I won’t forget, as it is with all the days clouds have talked to me. It was the day I met Julie. Julie is my wife you see, we have three kids, a boy and two girls. Julie, well, she also listens to clouds, she even talks back.
She was sitting on a bench in the park near my house.  I always pass the park on my way home from school. We had never met and I had never entered the park. That particular day the sky was filled with clouds. They were slowly moving in west direction. When I walked back from school that day I wasn’t really paying attention to everything around me. Instead I was thinking about what I wanted to do after I’d finish school. Where did I want to go to study? It frightened me in a sense. My father had always left the choices in my life to be made by myself. I cherish him for that. I knew he wouldn’t press me into one direction or another. I didn’t know I was about to make another choice, this time a simple one.
I was looking towards the sky, completely lost in my thoughts, not paying attention, when a cloud suddenly changed into a face. I lost my train of thoughts in surprise and my mouth just opened, awed. I must have stood there for a couple of minutes. People walking by must have looked at me thinking, “what is this boy doing?” The cloud started to talk and said “don’t be afraid, I’m just a guide. In front of you is a choice to be made.” I was standing in front of the park entrance. “You can go inside the park, or go past it which you always do. What will it be this time?” I was too amazed to answer. My mind was desperately trying to make sense of what was happening. I had almost forgotten the previous encounter with a cloud face. After a while someone put his hand on my shoulder asking if I was okay. I blinked my eyes, woke up as it were and said, “Ow… well… yes I guess I’m okay. Thanks for asking.” The man got on his way and I started walking again. Meanwhile the cloud face had disappeared.
I was now standing before the park entrance and didn’t know what to do. “Why not go for a bit of adventure?”, I thought and decided to walk through the park this time. Having walked halfway through the park I noticed a woman. She was my age, with nice long brown hair, sitting on a bench, looking up towards the sky. Forgetting about the shyness I usually had around women I sat down on the bench beside her and asked what she was looking at. I was still in a sort of daze I guess. She didn’t respond and continued looking towards the sky. I was about to leave when she started talking and because of what she said I knew she wasn’t talking to me. She said, “why have you brought me here?” It was before the age of handsfree so I was surprised. I looked towards the sky in the direction she was looking and saw a strange cloud. And yes, it too had a face.
The cloud started talking to me, it said “hi Mark, may I introduce you to Julie? Hi Julie, may I introduce you to Mark?” It was then that Julie noticed me sitting beside her and our eyes met for the first time. She looked surprised and smiled. “Hi Mark, I think… I think I expected you…” I somehow knew immediately we were meant to be together. She knew too.
Well, that is in short what happened to me. Now you know something most people don’t see, or don’t want to see, I’m not sure. Don’t be afraid please, the clouds are there to help us. They won’t do us no harm. Julie and I can spend hours watching clouds, how they form and disappear. Our daughter can hear clouds too but our sons can’t. They don’t mind, they are used to us three cloud watchers. And it’s not that we see these clouds making faces and talking to us all the time. It happened to me 23 times so far and I’m now 55 years old. All these 23 events were very important though. Clouds so far have saved me, introduced me to Julie, inspired me, enlightened me, yes, I can say with certainty that clouds played a major role in all the big choices and events in my life, so far.
And this brings me to the main reason I’m writing this. Of course the clouds have brought me good things, but to be honest I rather live without them. It doesn’t feel like I’m in control of my life. It feels like the clouds have arranged everything. They are like Gods, looking down on us mere mortals. Julie doesn’t see it this way. She loves clouds and loves to be carried through life by them. I write this because I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want the clouds to have such a big influence on my life. I desperately want to be just like all you other people.
I haven’t decided yet what I’m going to do or if I’m going to do anything at all. I don’t know what I could do against the clouds. I don’t want to start a war. I don’t know if I can win a war. And I don’t know how it will affect Julie and my daughter Maggie. They both adore clouds. I don’t want to hurt them in any way but for me to remain sane is to be released from the hold these clouds have on my life. Therefore I have decided to live a couple of months alone in the desert. I hope no clouds will form there and perhaps I finally have a chance to think clearly about what I want. To think about life and about who I am. What am I without the clouds?
Julie and the kids know my predicament and although they find it difficult they support me. I will now pack my bags for the trip to the desert. If I come to any ideas I will write them in this journal. However, I hope that except for this first entry the journal remains empty and that I return home healthy and sane.