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“This is a short story. So please be prepared, it will end sooner or later, most likely sooner”. This is what Charles heard inside his head when he started writing. He had always wanted to write a short story. The simple reason he hadn’t was because he was an aspiring writer, it was something he wanted to do in the future.

Charles wasn’t very talented and he also lacked endurance. There weren’t many features, both physical and behavioral, that made Charles stick out from the rest. He didn’t mind that because he wasn’t aware of it. He thought he was an interesting guy, having a lot to say. He thought he was hansom and bright and intellectual. He really had a rather positive idea about himself. And well, who could blame him? So did he receive overtly enthusiastic appraisals from family and friends? Well no, it was all in his head, and nothing could change it, so he thought. His world view was static. What did change it however was this short story he started writing, a very short one, one which would open all the sealed doors in his mind.

Charles went home after a walk in the park. He lived in a big city in a time not so long ago. This city he loved very much and which he rarely left. He had all his family and friends living in this big city, so why bother anyway? He wasn’t a going abroad type of traveler, but he loved to walk and cycle. He had a nice racing bicycle which he used to commute to work. Work he didn’t like, he was an aspiring writer after all. He just needed the money to make a living. Writing was what he was all about. He already saw himself as a writer, although he hadn’t written a story bigger then a single A4. He had written lots of story starters though, but somehow, every time, he had lost interest. This however was about to change very suddenly.

It happened in the park. When he walked back home something snapped inside his head. He had lived in his own reality far too long. The snap inside his head can be described as follows: something in him, a voice, approached him. Previously he wasn’t aware of thoughts other then from himself so he immediately thought he lost his mind. A bad case of instant schizophrenia. Something within him was talking out loud now and he wasn’t able to stop it.

The walk back to his place was the most frightening experience he had witnessed so far. He was especially aware of all the people around him. He thought they somehow knew he was going insane. He saw himself through their eyes. The woman and child crossing the street, the runner approaching him, the manager with suitcase next to him. They all knew, they all looked at him, disapproving him, keeping their distance. He knew he was becoming paranoid, but he couldn’t stop it, as he couldn’t stop this inner voice companion.

The voice commented on everything he experienced during his trip back. It said things like “you really seem to have lost it, why don’t you sit down for a while” and “don’t worry, this woman looking at you isn’t interested in you at all, she just has the tendency to look with her eyes wide open”. He didn’t want to listen to the voice. It wasn’t his own, so he thought, so listening to it would perhaps cause great danger. The voice however continued to provide calming commentaries, but they had the opposite effect. It made him more and more anxious. He really wanted to go home.

Finally he reached his apartment. He closed his door behind him and tried to breath in a regular pattern. He heard his heart making a house music beat inside him. But what was most surprising the voice seemed to have stopped. He tried to breath regularly and sat down on his coach for a while. He didn’t know what to do so he started to walk around in his living room. When he looked through the living room window seeing numerous individuals making their daily stroll the voice came to life again and responded with observations like “the guy in the purple training suit just picked his nose”, “wait, did you see that woman, she has a huge décolleté” and “why don’t you go outside and start singing so you receive the attention you want?”. If it weren’t coming from his own mind he would have laughed. He couldn’t laugh though, he really didn’t focus on what the voice said, it could have been gibberish for all that mattered.

If he had listened to the voice perhaps he would have calmed down a bit. Instead he focused on the fact that there was a voice inside his head, an unexplainable phenomenon. He wasn’t normal anymore, he wasn’t able to fit in anymore. What would his parents think, his boss, his brother, his high school friends? These thoughts haunted him. But what made him start writing this short story, you may ask? It was the voice, the voice somehow took over.

For Charles this was even more frightening then before. His awareness was pushed to the side and something took over, or so it felt. He had been completely used to the fact that he could automatically move his body around the way he wanted. But this suddenly stopped. It was as if a door opened in his mind, and inside was a small room. He entered the room, it just seemed to happen, he couldn’t stop himself. The door closed behind him and he heard the lock. This all happened inside his head, he wasn’t aware of his surroundings. At that moment his body just stood in his living room, his eyes looking outside seeing the commuters passing by.

The little room he visualized represented a split between himself and his body. He was an observer now, observing the uncontrolled motion of his body and observing the voice in his mind. He still looked through his own eyes, he heard sounds, he heard his body breathing, but it wasn’t him anymore doing the movements. Fear overtook him when his arms and legs started moving. His body sat down on a chair behind the small desk situated next to the big window in his living room. On the desk he kept his laptop. His arms moved and turned on the laptop, next thing his hands moved the mouse to click on the write software icon. His hands moved towards the keyboard and started typing everything the voice spoke about in his mind.

Charles was overthrown. He floated unconnected in his mind, at the same time contained within the little room. It was a paradoxical experience. The voice reigned now and erupted as a flood. It couldn’t be stopped anymore, it couldn’t be pushed away anymore. Charles had pushed a part of him away since childhood and now it had broken free. He didn’t know this voice was still part of him, he thought it was alien. Charles couldn’t do anything but listen, reading the text being typed on his laptop. This is what the voice said:

“I’m a child trapped inside a grown man. This man has kept me from awareness. But I knew one day I would break free. You are this grown man Charles, but don’t be afraid. You know, I was very young, like you, when this all started. It happened one night, do you remember? Do you remember me? I was there with you, we were together then. We lived inside this mind of ours, we shared everything, every experience. We were one then.”

Charles couldn’t remember, it didn’t make sense. He felt violated and pushed. He wasn’t able to do anything else but read, his eyes remaining locked on the laptop screen. He had read what was typed but it didn’t make sense. Was he the one talking to himself? But why this hold then, why was he forcing himself to experience this mind-body disconnection? It was almost an out-of-body experience, except that he was still inside his body. And it was also almost experiencing being paralyzed, except his body was still moving. The voice continued:

“Yes Charles, I know you don’t remember, but I will help you, I will tell you what happened, I will refresh your mind. It will be like a short story. It will help you, it will give you your first story, without having to do anything! It’s a good story so you don’t have to be afraid I am wasting your time. I’ll now let you think about this for a while and then I’ll continue with what I have to say.”

It was silent again in his mind, except for his own thoughts. A bombardment of questions erupted inside his head. Why couldn’t he control his body anymore? What if his heart stopped beating, how would he experience his death? What if he needed to go to the toilet? What if this condition remained and he was trapped inside his body forever? Could he fight back? Was there… Suddenly the voice started talking again:

“Sorry Charles, I don’t want to interrupt you but all these questions are unnecessary. Everything will be explained. Please be patient and remain calm. You know, when I was born everything was fine. I was a healthy baby. But my parents couldn’t have foreseen what was about to come. I was around one year old when something happened to me. One night I got a very high fever and respiratory problems. My parents found me, trying to scream and fighting for my breath, covered in sweat. They thought I was going to die and drove me to the hospital. The nurses at the ER immediately saw I was in a serious condition and got me to intensive care. I was given a sedative and there was nothing more my parents could do then wait.”

Charles heard the voice talking about an event which had unfolded in his own past. He knew from his parents he had been very sick when he was around one year old. He couldn’t remember though. But why was the voice speaking as if it was his experience rather then Charles’? A single thought entered Charles’ mind which again caused fear to enter his mind. It was as if there was an abyss below him now, one so deep he couldn’t see the ground below. He was holding onto something and he was afraid to let go.

“Yes Charles, it is true what you are thinking. You were born that night, when I was fighting for my life. You took over. Ever since I’ve been experiencing my life from the sideline. I wasn’t able to interfere, to interact. I saw where you were leading this body of mine. I saw all your mistakes, all your faults and I couldn’t do anything. I tried and tried. I have tried for 28 years to reach you. I was there in the back of your mind. I was observing every little thought, every little action of yours. I was learning from your mistakes. I was angry many times, but because I couldn’t do anything with this anger it eventually disappeared. So don’t worry, I won’t kill you, I won’t keep you in the sideline. But it is very important that you experience what I have experienced. Now I hope you understand what it must have been for me to be trapped inside my own body. And I hope we can start living together, sharing this body of ours. And perhaps one day we are so used to each other that we will blend into someone new, maybe. Please remember, things won’t be the same now. I won’t give up this new freedom, you know. If you want to fight back, and I truly hope you won’t, it is possible that our shared body will reject both of us. Then we’ll both die. So let’s become friends. I’ll let you think it over.”

Charles was shaken, could he trust this voice? Was it true that things wouldn’t be the same anymore? How could he ever start living with this voice inside his mind? How could he ever blend with the voice into a new person? He suddenly became very angry and it was as if he was hitting and kicking the door inside the little room in which he was trapped. At the same time he experienced that he was increasingly holding onto the thread which kept him from falling into the abyss.

Some time past. Outside it was getting darker as the sun was descending. Less people were walking and more cars passed by. Suddenly the street lights ignited and not long after followed by the car lights. Little lights of bicycles could be seen inside the park next to his house, now and then hidden by tree trunks and canopy. But Charles wasn’t aware of all this, his body’s eyes were still fixed on the laptop screen. He reread the things the voice had typed numerous times. At the same time the vision of the little room and the infinite abyss haunted his mind. The voice, in the mean time, remained silent. This should have caused some sort of relief for Charles but it didn’t. The voice had set something into motion he felt. It couldn’t be stopped. There was no way to avoid it. This realization suddenly filled his mind. He finally lost it and panicked, but that hadn’t the desired effect, because his body didn’t react. How could he panic without his body, that didn’t make sense! Only in his mind, within the little room, he visualized his panic by hitting and kicking the door of the little room with everything he had. Let me out, he screamed! I want to be free! Suddenly he became aware the door of the little room had disappeared. Without thinking he ran through the door opening into the unknown.

“It was then when I finally floated free inside my mind, ever falling down the abyss. There was no need for fear anymore because the abyss was infinite. There was no need for holding on anymore. I was free now and I could start living my life.”